In Matthew 17:20 Jesus says to his disciples, ” I tell you the truth, if you have Faithas small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Well I must admit, before April 2012, I could not make a piece of paper move with my Faith. My Faith was hand me down, “passed down from generation to generation”. I hadn’t worked for it; I had no spiritual connection to it. I had no stake in its power. Don’t get me wrong; I believed in God, praised Him and prayed to Him – I thanked Him for His many works in my life pretty often. But all I knew was His goodness, His mercy and grace, and as far as I was concerned it had all come automatically. Until that point my Faith had never really been put to the test. And then God enrolled me, without my knowledge or permission, into the Faith accelerated program. Over the last few months this crash course in Faith has been the most rewarding class I have ever taken. It was also the hardest. However, I now know for myself that Faith the size of a mustard seed is a powerful thing. Once you put it into action.
When my son was born a 24 week preemie, I prayed constantly that God would protect him. He was so little, so fragile and needed so much support to live. I prayed for his life and his health, and believed that if anyone were to help us, it could only be God. All of my prayers were of desperation. All of our family and friends told us that it would be fine, that God would take care of it. They were talking from the Faith. I heard them, and deep down couldn’t imagine the God I serve, not working it out. I made the declaration that it would work out, but I did not live as if I believed it. My actions spoke louder than my so called Faith. One Sunday I went to my best friend Danielle’s church and lay before the altar – but I did not leave my problem there. I still worried myself to death. I knew God could do it, but I was not sure that He would do it! I did not trust Him, and therefore I tried to control the situation by myself. For many days I worried to the point where I became unproductive. I watched the baby’s monitor, waiting for something to go off so I could spring into action. I couldn’t allow myself to trust the nurses, I couldn’t relinquish the little power over his life I thought I had. I had a mustard seed size Faith, but it was sitting in a cup somewhere. Therefore I had no peace.
Then one day a woman whose grandson was in the PICU severely brain damaged pulled me aside because she could see that I had been crying. Things were looking really bad that day. She pulled me into a waiting room, took my by the shoulders and sternly said, “STOP IT!” She sat me down, looked me square in the face and scolded me. “What are you saying to God when you ask Him for help and then worry? You are telling him that you do not trust Him!” (Yep…she was right, I didn’t.) She told me that in order to have peace, I must activate my Faith. Remember, He is the same God who has covered you and protected you and provided for you all the days of your life! (And He has!). A light went off within me. Then later that day Nurse Joyce, who was one of my favorite nurses, reminded me that there is nothing too big for our God. She said to me, “Just Believe, all you need is Faith the size of a mustard seed”. Trusting Him would be the only way I can experience the victory that is sure to come. Their words jolted me out of my daze and into a clearer reality. It was time to “get the planting”.
I got to work. I took my mustard seed and placed it carefully into soil I fertilized with the word of God. I watered it with prayer. I let my belief shine on it daily. I went back to work for a few hours a day, journeyed off to shopping centers. I got my hair done, cleaned myself up. I shopped for my baby boy, planned the baby shower. I still spent the majority of my day at the hospital but spent time getting to know the nurses instead of watching them. I made friends. I had fun watching my baby grow instead of agonizing over it. Soon after I realized that God had put me in a NICU that fit both my child and his parents perfectly; we truly enjoyed the relationships we built with the nurses, staff and other parents. Plus they were the best! Our friends showered us with love and support. Even distant friends prayed for us daily. We welcomed grandparent visits with excitement. I was able to leave and visit Danielle for short periods of time; she lived nearby. And eventually I became so powerful that each time we were confronted with health scares I looked them square in the face and said, MOVE! And sure enough, each and every one got out of my son’s way. My mustard seed size faith, once planted and fed, had made so many impossible things, testimonies of grace. The seed did not stay a seed, it grew and I was able to turn it into something that added flavor to my life. I call it, the flavor of favor. It is now the greatest power I possess.
My son’s life and health is a reminder of how powerful Faith is. God knows that it is hard to believe when the challenges seem so hard. He just asks that we take our little seed, plant it and take care of it daily. He will take care of the rest. Now, I won’t say that I never worried again. That would be a lie. I am a mother; that is my job. However, I pray and trust God with a confidence that now allows me to keep pushing forward in spite of any situation. I can sleep at night because I know He won’t give me more than I can handle. I believe in God and His favor over my life, and that He has my baby boy carefully tucked in His arms. He will be just fine. And so will his father and I. We will both go to sleep at night thanking God and asking Him for another day. And we won’t take it for granted when He gives them to us. We will not only keep the faith, but we will keep our Faith moving.
Beautiful and inspiring Kaleena!!! God bless you 🙂
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